Thanksgiving week started off great. My two oldest came home from college and my youngest was out of school for the week. I had a weeklong break from teaching as well. We had family meals together, laughed a lot, and enjoyed one another. Then, as we approached the big turkey day, I began to get anxious. My dad was going to make the trip to Georgia to see mom in her new home. He was feeling better, and the doctor had given him the “ok” to travel independently. In fact, he kept telling us, and mom, that the doctor said, “I’ll get you back to good as new.” I think dad’s interpretation was that he would be able to go back to life as usual, caring for mom. Mom seemed to think that was true too. It was puzzling to me, however, that a 78-year-old man could go from having a stroke that revealed a 90% blockage in his carotid artery, a 10-day hospital stay, a major surgery with almost a 12-inch scar along his neck, a month-long recovery with no exercise and little movement, right back to “good as new.” I didn’t question my dad’s honesty with us, I questioned his honesty with himself.

Anyway, Mom was counting down the minutes until he came. My siblings and I were unsure of what the days ahead would hold. We knew mom wasn’t happy in her place for no other reason than she wanted to be with dad, in her own home, back to the way things were before he had a stroke. Our fear was that when dad arrived, she would focus on the all the negatives of her new home rather than the positives. For example: She didn’t like the food. She didn’t like the fact that nobody in the facility talked (most of them are memory care with little verbal articulation). She didn’t like how they washed the white clothes and the dark clothes. She didn’t like how they dressed her. She complained of many things, some petty, some with validity. Overall, she was struggling to find any bright spot or hope in her new situation. She simply didn’t want to be there. However, my siblings and I felt like she was in a good place. She was safe and being taken care of, although not in the same manner that dad cared for her. She was being fed, cleaned, all the things. We even hired a lady to come in to wash, cut and style her hair, twice! To be honest, I was thankful for the place we had found, and I actually took offense to the fact that she was not. We were getting to see her more than when she lived in South Carolina. We were bringing things from the grocery she requested. We were making sure her needs were met. We brought the grandkids by to visit. We were doing a lot, yet she was still unhappy with her situation and could find nothing that brough her joy. There was no gratitude at all. We were upset, frustrated and losing compassion to be quite honest. All she really wanted was to be with her husband of 55 year. It seemed that all we were doing to make her new home in Georgia comfortable were in vain.

Dad arrived on Tuesday night to stay with my sister. Visiting hours at the facility were over, so he didn’t plan to visit until the next day. The next day came, and mom was restless and ready to see dad. However, I received a call from the occupational therapist that he wanted to come by and work on her hands and arms. She had not had OT in a long time, and I was thrilled that she was now going to have the opportunity to receive therapy. She was not. She just wanted to see dad, not the OT. So, the plan was that dad would visit, go get them lunch, and return to the facility to be with her while the OT was there to work with her. My dad still seemed pretty weak, so this type of visit was probably good for him. The next day he would have to take her out of the facility and drive her to my sister’s for Thanksgiving. I had warned my dad that mom would probably make the place seem awful, even though it was not. She was just unhappy. I don’t know what conversations they had that day but when he arrived back at my sister’s in the evening to spend the night, he was clearly upset about my mom’s current state and expressed his concern for her depression. I think at this point though, it’s important to recognize that we were all living in a state of depression because of the toll this horrific accident and situation has taken on our family.

The visit was tough. Even though the family was together, there was this dark cloud that loomed over us all. Once again, the reality of our situation seemed to pierce our hearts at an even deeper level. We were all struggling to be happy.

Day by day, it just doesn’t seem to get better. Is this what the Israelites experienced wandering in the desert for 4o years? I want to think I am better off and have more faith than they did, but I don’t. I’m struggling and discouraged, but I KNOW that I am not without hope. So, I will raise my ebenezer and remember, God is still good.

Christian artists Chris Renzema and Ellie Holcomb have a song out called “Just as Good.” The words are powerful and speak to my soul. The lyrics and link to the song are below.

“You’re still just as good as when I met You.
You’re still just as kind, don’t let me forget that You’re
Still the same God who led me through the fire
You’re still the same God that separates the waters
Come do what only You can do
God, I need You.”

And I will build an altar
And stack it stone by stone
‘Cause every Ebenezer says, “I’ve never been alone”
My faith will surely falter
But that don’t change what You’ve done
‘Cause every Ebenezer points to where my help comes from.